Hanging by a Moment
by blackwater11
Summary: When Molly is forced to deal with her grief over the death of Smurf, who will she turn to?
1. Chapter 1

**AN : I'm no Tony Grounds so I don't own Our Girl. I just like to borrow the characters from time to tome for my own amusement.**

The rumbling vibrations of the train soothed Molly's fraught nerves as she lent her head against the train window. Her eyes traced a single raindrop's journey as it crawled across the foggy glass. She remembered as a child she used to sit and watch the raindrops trickle down her window sill. She recalled the thrill of excitement she used to get as she tried to anticipate which drop would reach the finish line at the bottom first. She used to love watching them race each other down the glass, criss -crossing and merging as they went, some halting halfway down, others disappearing off the side only to scatter in the wind.

Looking through the glass she watched the darkening silhouettes of the trees flash past, the crushing ache in her chest gradually easing, as the train ate up the miles taking her away from London. Closer to Bath. Closer to him. She needed to regain her equilibrium. A calmness. Especially after today.

Her medal presentation ceremony had, by all accounts, been a day of celebration. Here she was being commended for an act of bravery. Her. Molly Dawes. Yet, she couldn't shake the conflicting feelings that surged through her body as she stood to attention as her citation was read aloud.

"Private Dawes has been recognised on the operational honours and awards list for her bravery and valour on Op Herrick. Private Dylan Smith was injured and with no regard to her personal safety, she put his life ahead of her own. To save a life whilst being willing to sacrifice your own, is above and beyond the call of duty."

She managed an uncertain smile as she curtseyed, her heart hammering and hands trembling, as the Queen pinned the medal to her uniform. she could help the bubble of pride that overcame her as she observed the straight arms of the silver cross, the four edges ordained with the imperial crowns. The initials E.R clearly visible in the centre. The three vertical strips of white purple and white. She took a deep calming breath. Her voice shook as she muttered a "Thank you Ma'am," to the reigning sovereign. Isn't that what it was all about? Queen and Country. She stood to attention back straight, eyes forward, scanning the crowd to see her Mum, Dad and Nan grinning proudly, cameras at the ready to capture this once in a life time moment. Then it had all gone to shit.

Molly was drawn from her thoughts as the train began to slow as it drew into the station. "Ladies and Gentlemen we are approaching Bath Spa Station. Please ensure you take all your belongings with you and mind the gap." She stood, stretching her stiff muscles as she grabbed her bag and stepped onto the platform. Moving through the throng of people still milling around the station she jostled with the crowd of as she made her way through the barrier and out into the open air. Exiting the station she gazed across the busy street, contemplating calling a taxi, when she felt a hand grip her shoulder.


	2. All we can do is keep breathing

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has followed this story so far.**

**I don't own Our Girl that belongs to Tony Grounds. Chapter title comes from the song " All we can do is keep breathing by Ingrid Michelson.**

Chapter 2: All We Can Do is Keep Breathing

The feel of a hand on her shoulder caused Molly's entire body to seize up. She could feel the sudden spike of adrenaline in her veins, the effort it took her body to force a single shallow breath through her trembling lips. Her locked muscles screamed at her to either fight or flight as her body went into full combat mode. With shaking hands she automatically reached for the non -existent riffle at her side when she felt a firm hand grasp her upper arm.

"Easy Dawes. Just breathe."

A warm, soothing voice suddenly penetrated the buzzing in Molly's ears just as the panic threatened to consume her. The hand on her arm gently but firmly coaxed her away from the curb and over to a nearby bench. Molly's eyes zeroed in on the hand firmly gripping her arm before travelling up to meet the concerned brown eyes of her former CO. Molly took a deep breath, held it, and then let it out. Her tense muscles gradually relaxed as the threat of danger passed.

"Bleadin hell Charles, you nearly gave me a Sean Connery." Molly gasped in surprise. She sank onto the bench waiting for her frantic heartbeat to slow. "How did ya know I was ear?" Molly asked quietly, her eyes remained fixed on the pavement as she refused to meet his gaze. Charles took a seat next to her and stretched out his injured leg, still encased in the boot, in front of him. He placed a gentle finger under her chin and nudged her face up to meet his. Molly resisted. She couldn't look at him. Didn't want him to see her this vulnerable. This weak.

"Kinders gave me the heads up." He said softly. "They were there today you know. 2 section. He overheard you telling your family about needing to leave after the ceremony and caught some of your conversation. Not much. Just the words Captain and Bath. He could see you were upset and put two and two together. He phoned me to warn me you might be heading this way and that you didn't seem yourself. A quick glance at the arrivals board gave me an idea of when to expect you. I nearly missed you the way you marched out of the station as if the devils was chasing at your heels. You looked like you were a woman on a mission." Charles gave a light chuckle as he finished his explanation.

Molly shivered, drawing the jacket of her uniform more firmly around her. She had left in such a rush she hadn't given herself time to change into her civvies. As soon as she could be excused she gave a hasty excuse to her family, grabbing her bag, threw in a few essentials, before making a frantic dash to the station. "I should have known those fuckmuppets couldn't leave well enough alone. Bunch of bleeding tossers." She muttered with a resigned sign.

"They care about you. You know how they get." Then after waiting a beat, "What happened today?" He asked softly.

Molly sighed staring into the still busy street. "Can we not do this now, please," she pleaded. She wasn't ready to talk about it yet. Charles watched her. His deep brown eyes stared deep into hers as if he was trying to prise out her darkest secrets. Molly felt as though he could see straight into her soul. He must have seen something that satisfied him because he backed down. He got unsteadily to his feet, swaying ever so slightly, before holding out a hand for her to take. "Come on then Dawesy, up you get. We'll head back to mine. We've the house to ourselves." Molly gave a short laugh and took his hand.

"Come on then hop along, lead on."

"Watch it Dawsey, it's not nice to make fun of your superiors. I could still have you up on a charge." Charles joked.

"Yeah you're superior alright. A superior pain in my arse," she joked and together, leaning on each other for support, they set off down the street.


	3. All that you can't leave behind

**A/N Thanks for all the lovely reviews. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. I've been struggling to figure out where to take this story.**

**As always everything belong to Tony Grounds.**

**All That You Can't Leave Behind **

**"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one." -One Tree Hill**

**Molly gave a tired sigh as she rested her head against the plush cushions, her hands kept busy as her fingers twirled the large purple velvet box containing her Military Cross back and forth. She shut her eyes fighting the images that threatened to overwhelm her. They repeat over and over in her head like a series of old film slides her Grandad used to make them watch when she was younger. The feel of Smurfs blood slowly pulsing around her fist as she realised that she was the only one that could prevent him from bleeding out. CLICK. The agonising cry as Bossman crumpled to the ground like a ragdoll. CLICK. She feels the heavy weight of the gun in her hand; how the cool metal felt so solid and reliable in her unsteady fingers as she mindlessly took aim and pulled the trigger. CLICK. She remembers that split second where time seemed to slow down as she waited, frozen in place, to see if she had hit the target. CLICK. That feeling of dread slowly creeping through her veins as the adrenaline trickles away; her entire body is left cold as her brain finally registers that she had just killed someone. Taken a life. All without a second thought. She can't recall ever being that focused. That alert. She'd never felt so alive. CLICK. She watches Smurf fall to his knees clutching his head before sliding to the side mumbling incoherent words over and over. CLICK. She hears Candy's heart wrenching voice after burying another son. "I gave the Army my boys and they gave me back a flag." She just wishes it would all stop.**

**The cushion beside her dips and Molly watches from the corner of her eye as Charles takes a seat beside her. She gives a soft smile as he places a steaming mug of tea on the coffee table in front of her without a word. They sit in contented silence until...**

**"****How long have you been having them?" Charles asked softly. There it was. The big purple elephant in the room. They both knew it was there, even last night, but neither were prepared to be the first to broach the subject. Until now. "Havin what?" Molly asked innocently hoping to put off the inevitable for a little while longer. "Molly," Charles replies throwing her a single stern look over his coffee mug. With that one word Molly knew she wouldn't be able to fool him. Not this time. "Since I got back." She mumbled so softly he could barely hear her. "I thought I'd squared it all away. After we spoke I thought it would help. That they'd finally go away. I thought I'd be able to deal with it on me own like. But then…" Molly trailed off. **

**"****Then?" Charles prompted gently. **

**Molly paused, taking a deep breathe. "Then Smurf happened. I can't help it. Every time I shut my eyes I see it. Over and over again. I thought he was just playin. One minute he was there dribbling the ball like a pro and the next, He just dropped to his knees and fell to the side. I tried to get to him. I ran so hard. He didn't know who I was. Where he was. He'd complained of headaches an we thought he needed glasses. GLASSES! He had the best eyes out the whole platoon, bar you." Molly let out a sharp laugh. "Then I had to go to that bleeding ceremony an everything went to shit. Everyone was so chuffed, banging on about how what I done was brave an that, like I was some sort of bloody hero. I stood there in the middle of Buckingham Palace and it felt so wrong that he wasn't there. They were celebrating an he was dead. It weren't right. I just wanted to get out. I felt the walls closing in, like I couldn't breathe. I'm not brave. I'm the medic. I should have noticed he weren't right. I failed him Charles. I'm an epic fail." Molly's voice broke as she dissolved into tears.**

**Charles gathered her to him and just held her as she cried. After a few minutes she straightened, and wiped her eyes on the tissue he handed her, his other arm coming to lend strength to her back. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess Charles," she laughed weakly. **

**"****You have nothing to be sorry for Molly," he replied. The firmness in his voice made her look up. "You don't have to apologise, to hide things from me. People deal with grief and trauma in different ways and in their own time. I know that you think you can do this on your own but you don't have to anymore. I'm not like everyone else. I'm not going to run and leave the second things get tough. If I did we wouldn't be here now would we? You can come to me with anything. That's what I'm here for." He reached out and gently wiped the tears away with the pad of his thumb. "If this is going to work between us we have to be honest with one another. You need to let me in every once in a while. I can't guarantee you won't piss me off or vise -versa. That we won't fight and annoy one another because we will. But we'll work it out. Together. Please don't shut me out Ok?"**

**Molly sat their taking in what he had just said. Nobody had been there for her like that before. She'd never had someone she could completely open up to, to be honest with. Someone who knew her inside out, who understood her and supported her through everything. Good and bad. She knew that it wouldn't be easy for them. They were so different. But like she told her mum. Sometimes, when you meet the right person, all those differences can just disappear and being with them makes you happy. Nothing else seems to matter. She'd found that in Charles. She wasn't about to ruin it. **

**"****Thank you," she muttered quietly leaning her head on his shoulder. "I'm not trying to shut you out. It's just. I'm used to doin things on me own. I've never had anyone believe in me before. It's hard to see what others see when you've always been told you're a no good little slag." Charles held her tighter unsure what to say to that. He knew she'd had a tough time from the snippets she'd shared on tour. "You've done well Molly. Who you were before doesn't matter. It's who you are now that counts. It's the choices and decisions you make now that will define you. Not the mistakes you made in the past. You're an excellent medic. You deserved that Military Cross. You saved Smurf and brought him home alive. What happened after that nobody could have predicted. Least of all you. He was so proud of you. He'd have loved to have seen you get your medal. Probably brag a bit about how it was all because of him." Molly gave a shaky laugh, "Yeah the Welsh Wanker, taking all the credit."**

**"Everyone believes in you. It's time you did too you hear me?" The last sentence was said in his Captains voice and she knew there was no point in arguing. **

**"****Yes Boss!" she replied with a grin.**

**"****Charles" he shot back with a raised eye brow.**

**"****Yes Charles," Molly answered cheekily giving a mock salute. **

**Charles laughed and told her to stand "at ease soldier." When Molly did Charles looked up with a mischievous gleam in his eye. "Now then, what sort of techniques will you be showing these Afgan medics Dawesy? I'm more than happy to play patient if you need someone to practise your skills on," He muttered cheekily wiggling his eye brows suggestively. Molly broke into giggles as he lent down to give her a gentle kiss. "You're are a right numpty you know that?"**

**Charles grinned before replying confidently, "Indeed. Besides, you know you love me just the way I am. Admit it Dawes."**

**"****I do. Love you I mean," Molly replied softly looking him in the eye. Charles could see the uncertainty swimming in their depths. **

**"****See that wasn't so hard was it." At Molly's confused look Charles continued. "You being all open and honest. I'm proud of you. Oh and Ditto Dawes. I love you to." The seriousness of his statement was not lost on Molly as he met and held her gaze. Before, she had been slightly afraid at how quickly and easily he was able to read her; to know her secrets, her fears. But now she was glad she had found that person. **

**There are**** six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one. **


	4. The Other Side of This Life

**A/N Thank you so much for all the support. As usual i'm not Tony Grounds**

The Other Side of This Life.

"Molls, please call us back Love. We miss ya. We just want to know you're alright. Love you Mum."

Molly perched against a park bench trawling through the voicemails and texts left on her phone from various members of her family and 2 Section. She knew they were worried after the stunt she pulled at the medal ceremony a week ago. In truth she hadn't meant to cut everyone off. She'd needed some space to get her head together. She hadn't meant to go off at the deep end and disappear but at the time she was too busy listening to her body's need to escape; she hadn't had time to use her head.

Since her melt down the previous week she had taken up running to clear her head. It was Charles who had suggested they go out together. The exercise was good PT for his leg and enabled Molly to have an outlet to focus all her restless energy. Something to ground her. Keep her focused. Not to mention, it provided Charles with the perfect opportunity to ensure her fitness levels didn't drop whilst she was on leave. Although she hadn't had any further panic attacks, something which couldn't be said for the nightmares, Charles could see she still wasn't one hundred percent comfortable being back in civilian life.

Molly enjoyed running, especially round Victoria Park. She loved the freedom and escapism running gave her. She could run around the park, through the botanical gardens, up to the green at the top end where she would often stop and watch the hot air balloons take flight. She'd stay until they were tiny specks in the sky making her feel so small and insignificant. All her worries and troubles just melted away in Bath. London didn't exist here in this moment. All she saw was the cities architecture, the old unusual buildings made of bath stone, the narrow cobbled streets embedded in rich history just waiting to be explored; their secrets ready to be revealed to anyone who was prepared to look.

In truth, she was reluctant to return to London. Having finally found the calmness and stillness she had craved since her return from Afgan. As much as she loved her family they didn't understand. How could they? Molly saw the uncertainty and fear in her mum's eyes when she confessed to killing Badrai. Like she didn't recognise Molly anymore. But Molly knew she would never be that girl again. She couldn't go back. Didn't want to go back. She had talked at length with Charles after she had made the decision to go back to Afgan. They both knew she needed to sort it all out. She had to go back and square away that chapter of her journey. Hopefully, while out there training medics, she would find some form of closure. To feel like she was making a difference again. Helping to save lives. Not take them. She was nearly there. She could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Molly looked out across the park, watching all manner of people milling about, as she dialled her mum's number. When it went straight to voice mail Molly waited for the beep before leaving her message. "Mum it's me. Just to let you know I'm fine. Honest. I didn't mean to not call I just needed to get anyway to sort things out. I'm staying with an army friend. I should be back tomorrow. Anyway I'll call you laters. Love ya. Bye." Molly sighed and looked up at the sky. The dark clouds that were slowly creeping in didn't look very promising. She knew she'd better make a move if she was to get back before the rain.

Walking through the front door Molly muttered and grumbled as she wrestled out of her wet trainers and socks. "For fuck sakes, couldn't wait two bleedin' minutes." She'd made it to the end of the crescent before the heavens opened and she was drenched in a matter of seconds. Slamming the door behind her, she moved through the hall until she reached the kitchen. Charles looked up from the paper a knowing look on his face. "You got caught out again didn't you?" He smirked, eying her wet running gear that moulded to her figure like a second skin thanks to the rain. "Oi, eyes up here perv," Molly laughed leaning over to kiss his cheek. "Bloody rain! That's three times this week I've been caught out. At least I won't have to worry about this in Afgan," She muttered as she settled at the counter reaching for the steaming cup of tea waiting for her. "True," Charles laughed. "The hot waters on ready if you want to take your shower."

"Ah you're a true gent."

"Well I'm not sure you'd say then when you find out what I intend to do to you in the shower Dawes." Charles looked at Molly suggestively. Molly grinned and made to move towards the door. "Lead on then Boss," she said cheekily only to burst into fits of giggles as Charles picked her up and hoisted her over his shoulder. "Oi, Charles careful of yer leg ya muppet."

"The legs fine Dawesy," Charles promised as he made his way up the staircase to the first floor landing. Molly's giggles echoing around the big house as Charles slammed the bathroom door shut.

Charles woke with a start. On instinct he reached for Molly's side of the bed only to find it empty, the sheets cold. Charles sighed and glanced blearily at the alarm clock on his bedside table 3:30 AM it read. It had happened again. The nightmares. Molly had been working on coming to terms with everything that had happened in Afgan as well as the aftermath. Being in Bath seemed to settle her fraught nerves and allow her to relax. But Charles was no fool. He knew the signs of PTSD. He'd picked up on Molly's hyperarousal at the station. How she had frozen when he touched her, instinctively reaching for her rifle as her instincts screamed for her to protect herself. He would watch her eyes glaze over as she disappeared to a different place entirely; reliving the horrors of Afgan again and again behind her eyelids. The nights were the worse. In the daytime, Molly had plenty of distractions to keep her busy. However it is at night, when her guard is down and Molly is at her most vulnerable and open, that the nightmares come. They happen when she least expects it leaving her body, gasping and shaking, wracked with sobs. Charles can do nothing but sit and rock her, mumbling unintelligible things in her ear, until her frantic heartbeat slows to its normal rhythm and sleep returns.

Rubbing his eyes he stumbles to the door and onto the landing. As he moves down the stair way and along the hall he is struck by how silent the big old house is. He stumbles, catching himself on the banister just in time to stop himself pitching head-first down the stairs into the darkness. His injured leg, not quite fully healed, buckles under his sudden movement. He remembers Molly's comment about scary houses with big old staircases that people fall down and chuckles as he moves more cautiously down the stairs. Maybe she had a point. A soft glow emits from a gap under the door leading to the lounge. As he walks in he finds Molly slumped on the sofa sound asleep, her presentation for the Afgan medics open on the laptop screen, post- it notes and medical journals scattered around her.

Charles reaches over and gently removes her laptop and swings her legs up onto the sofa before covering her with a throw. She shifts and opens her eyes blearily. "Did I fall asleep again?"

"Indeed you did Dawes." Molly chuckles quietly before lapsing into silence deep in thought. "Out with it Dawes, what's eating you?" Charles prodded. She shifts to make room for him on the sofa before settling against his bare chest.

"Nothing. I'm just a bit nervous about goin' home I guess. Havin' to explain it to everyone. I know they don't understand it all. All they see is a hero. Me Dad wants me to go an parade around a bloody stadium like some prize pony. Why can't they get it's just me doin' me job? I don't want to be reminded. I just want to get on with it. They won't accept me going back; won't understand that I need to do it to get some closure," Molly finished her sentence in a rush.

"I think you need to give them more credit. Tell them how you really feel. They may not understand it at first but they will support you. They love you and want what's best for you. It's like you said you're looking for something. Maybe you'll find it in Afgan. Maybe you won't. You taught me that we need to fix the small things first before moving on to the big things. Helping those medics will make a huge difference to hundreds of lives Molly. Your fixing a small cog that will help ensure the whole huge Afgan machine can work long after were gone. Maybe you just need to step back and look at the bigger picture. Take some time to fix yourself, before you try fixing everything else." Charles finished slightly worried he had overstepped the mark.

"You saying I'm broken Boss?" Molly asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Not broken. You're just thinking about things too much. You've a lot going on. Just take things one step at a time. I know what it's like to want to try and fix everything. To want that level of control. It makes you feel safer. I know it sounds a complete cliché but you do need to give yourself time."

Molly sighed. "I know that. It's just everything's changing and I'm not sure I'm ready for it."

Charles laughed, "If anyone's ready for it, it's you. Now come on we best be getting you to bed. I can't send you back to London looking like a zombie. I was under strict instructions to send you back in good nick else you're Nan threated to lamp me. Best crack on Dawesy." He finished his sentence and broke into a mischievous grin as he watched the array of emotions play out across Molly's face. He knew he was in trouble and made a break for the door.

"Oi, what you mean about Nan? How do you know that.. 'ear have you been speaking to her? CHARLES!" Molly hurried out of the room after him, intent on gaining some answers if it's the last thing she did.


	5. Fear (of the Unknown)

**This chapter turned into a bit of a monster. But it was necessary to get where i want to go next. So sorry in advance for all the time jumps**

Fear (of the Unknown)

Molly sat in the back of a taxi watching the familiar sights of East Ham high street speed past the window. She observes all manner of people going about their business, completely oblivious to what is going on around them. She shuts her eyes and takes a deep breathe, trying to keep the memories at bay. As they pass the sight where the Earl of Wakefield pub once stood, now nothing more than a mountain of rubble, Molly feels a buzzing in her pocket. She reaches into her coat pocket and thumbs at the screen. **Where R U? **Molly smiles reading the text. Despite having only spoken an hour ago her mum still worried about her. She texts back quickly. **Just past the Earl of Wakefield be 2 minutes xxx. **The cab pulls up outside the block of flats. She looks up and sees the England flag fluttering in the window and a figure hunched over the balcony watching and waiting. As Molly moves towards the house the figure disappears back into the house. Nan. Oh she can run but she can't hide. She has some explaining to do.

Molly paid the taxi driver and headed towards the block of flats. She took the stairs that led to the upper level flats two at a time, when she reaches the front door she finds it already open, Nan stood leaning against the door frame, arms folded, eyes twinkling as she took in her eldest granddaughter. "Well well, look what the cat dragged in. Bout time you came home. We've been worries sick."

"Leave off Nan, you knew where I was anyhow didn't ya?" Molly replied with a raised eyebrow as she gives her Nan a hug before moved through the house into the living room. "So out with it what gives?"

"I don't know what ya talkin bout." Molly sent her a look that clearly said she didn't believe her. They were interrupted by the door opening as the rest of her family came charging into the room shouting her name. She found herself being enveloped in a big hug from her mum. "Aww Molls my baby girl is finally home. We were so worried." Her Dad stood watching the reunion. He gave Molly an uncertain smile and gave her shoulder a squeeze. Molly knew he was never one for sentiment.

"It was him wasn't it?" Molly looked confused as her Nan interrupted the reunion.

"Who was him?" Dave asked clearly unsure of what was going on.

"When you came home from R an R, you was much more confident. So grown up. You stuck up for your mum and told your dad all he had to do was hold her hand and he'd move up with her. This bloke, Charles is it? He's been the one holding your hand ain't he? Not Smurf like we first thought. That's why you went to Bath weren't it? Why you was so desperate to get to that hospital in Birmingham?" Nan finished. He parents shared a look. Molly stood in shock completely forgetting how perceptive her Nan can be. She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "You've been staying with this bloke Charles in Bath? Who's he then?" Dave questioned.

"Yeah that's it. Charles was our CO. The Bossman. We developed feelings for each other on tour but decided to wait out. We couldn't be together caz of Army regulations and that. I didn't realise Smurf felt like that about me. He was only ever my friend. Anyway when we was on a mission to capture an insurgent we all got caught up in our personal issues and lost focus and they got shot. Charles and I met in Bath a few months ago and became a couple officially." Molly took a calming breathe knowing she needed to get this out. "I've been having nightmares and flashbacks from me time in Afgan. PTSD they call it. Most soldiers get it one time or another. When Smurf…. After what happened with Smurf and then having to get my medal. It hit me all at once that he was truly gone. That I couldn't do anything to save him. I needed to get away and talk with someone who understood what it was like. I love you lot. I really do but sometimes no matter what I say you just don't get it. Not like he does." Molly finished and studied her family's faces, waiting to see what they would do next.

Nobody said anything. The silence stretched on for what felt like an eternity until Belinda finally broke the silence. "This Charles he's good to you is he?" Molly gave a soft smile as she answered.

"Yeah he is. He's different to the others mum. In an entirely different league actually. He supports me and encourages me to push myself to be better. He thinks I've the potential to be brilliant. He won't let me settle for less. He don't care that I live on a council estate and don't have any GCSE's or that I don't talk proper English. He quite enjoys taking the piss actually calls them "Dawesisms." Bloody Cockwomble. He reads poetry an plays bloody rugby. He steals me coco pops an makes me laugh. When I'm with him, all our differences just disappear, I can just be me. He makes me happy. For the first time I'm truly happy."

Nan finally spoke up. "Posh bloke is he? Sounded it on the phone mind." Molly rolled her eyes and a laugh. "Yeh he is rather. Lives in one of them posh houses on Royal crescent in Bath. It's gorgeous. By the way how do you know what he sounds like? Charles wouldn't tell me anything."

"I phoned you. He answered. Apparently you was in the shower. He was ever so polite. A real charmer you got there Molls. He promised to look after you and he's been keeping us updated like. Told us not to worry about ya. Stupid thing to say. Course we was worried." Nan looked at Molly with a knowing look. "I told you before about how I let the good one go. We all thought Smurf was nice. But this Charles. You've definitely got a good un there. They only come along once in a lifetime. If you're lucky. Don't balls this up like I did. He sounds like an absolute Diamond."

"That you saying you approve?" Molly joked.

"Too right. I'm telling you, if I was 20 years younger Molls." Everyone laughed. Despite her reservations. It really was nice to be home.

Molly stood on the podium in the auditorium of the medical faculty at the University of Kabul, surrounded by a sea of unfamiliar faces. When she had first arrived she was glad to be back in Afghan, although it felt weird without the lads of 2 Section and Bossman. They couldn't believe Molly was heading back so soon but they understood why she had to go. Bastian, though a shell of its former self, was still a hub of activity as the last few remaining troops faced the mammoth task of shipping supplies, equipment and weapons before to the UK, before dismantling a base bigger that most of UK's cities as they prepare to handover and withdraw for good. Kabul however, was an entirely different ball bag. Still an area of unrest after recent terrorists attacks the Capital was still as dangerous as ever and everyone was on high alert just in case.

Molly glanced down at her notes one final time, as her lecture drew to a close, taking care to make sure she was using proper English and the correct medical terms. Charles had joked that she could have the Afgan medics speaking Cockney in no time if she put her mind to it. He's received a clip round the ear for that one. Although hesitate at first, she loved training the medics. She felt like she could truly make a difference and leave her mark. Her trainees were so enthusiastic and eager to learn. They hung on her every word asking questions, eager to learn as many new skills as they could to help save lives. "They used to talk about the 'golden hour'... how we as medics had the first hour to treat the patient to intervene to save their lives. Now the talk is of the 'platinum ten minutes.' You are the first people on the ground. Your actions in those first few minutes are what will determine whether you lose a life or save a life. You have a narrow window of opportunity. Disasters happen when we are not 100 % focused. It is important that you stay focused. Stay alert. Stay Alive if we are to minimise the loss of limb or life in Afghanistan." Molly smiled at her audience. "Thank You." She looked out into the applauding crowd and spotted a familiar figure entering from the back of the auditorium. She grinned to herself as she shook the hands of the senior officers, before being dismissed.

"Well well Molly Dawes. Who is the teacher now?" Qaseem joked as he took her hand between his.

"Yeah that's it. Look out Kabul," Molly laughed. Qaseem led Molly out of the auditorium and through a series of long corridors before directing her into what appeared to be his office. Once seated Qaseem looked unsure about what to say. Finally he spoke somewhat hesitantly. "I've found her."

"I want to see her then," Molly interjected immediately

"Molly it can never happen. Just trust me that she has been moved to a safe place and she is doing well. Please don't compromise your safety to see what I am telling you." He spoke imploringly. But Molly Dawse was nothing if not stubborn as Qaseem knew all too well. "I want to see for myself. You know I'll go on my own don't you." Qaseem sighed defeated.

"Yes."

The Journey through Kabul was one fraught with tension as Qaseem navigated through the chaotic streets with Molly, dressed in a burqa, sat in the back. "I'm giving you my 14 grand deployment money so she can have an education and all she needs for a new life. I'm trusting you to look after her for me. I doubt you'd be the type to spend it on wine, women and song." Molly informed Qaseem.

"What if I like a good song?" Qaseem questioned as he pulled up in front of the safe house. "The guards know me. I will say you are my wife. Once inside you will only have a few minutes whilst I talk with the guards. Then you are to return to the car." Molly doesn't respond only nods and gazes at the house apprehensively, nervously playing with her hands.

Qaseem greets the guards and introduces Molly. He stands and talks as she moves further into the courtyard her steps slow and hesitant. She spots Bashira sat with another child happily teaching her sang chill bazi. She senses Qaseem approach behind but she can't take her eyes away from Bashira. "Are you not going to talk to her?" He asks softly. Molly takes a deep breath and moves towards her removing her niqab as she draws closer. Bashira spots her and Molly calls her name smiling broadly. Bashira races towards Molly calling her name excitedly. They hug for a long time, Molly crying tear of relief at seeing Bashira safe and happy. She knows without a doubt that it was all worth it. Charles always said that people were not wholly bad or good. Molly could see now that she had been wracked with guilt because she was never entirely sure if she had made the right choice. Would it be a good thing or a bad thing if Bashira was taken away? Looking at Bashira now, she knew that despite all the bad choices she had made in the past this was definitely not one of them. Bashira had been given a chance to be better. Molly knew now that the cog she had though she had irrevocably broken could indeed be fixed. Who knows maybe in the future Bashira will have an opportunity to fix a few small cogs on her own and make a difference to someone else.

Molly looked up at the imposing building made of Bath stone. A big scary house indeed. Although she has to admit Charles was right. The place truly is magical. She hesitates for a split second, shivering in the frigid December air, before raising her hand to bang the ornate knocker against the big heavy door, being careful not to disturb the wreath surrounding it. The door opens and there he's stood looking casual in a green checked shirt and garden gloves. His face is a picture of shock as he takes her in for the first time in months.

"Missed me?" she asks cheekily, an impish smile on her face.


	6. New Year New start

A/N Thanks for all the reviews. I really is nice to hear that so many of you seem to like this. As usual I own nothing.

New Year. New Start

Charles was attempting to wrestle the huge pile of logs up patio steps and through the back door into the kitchen, when he heard the sound of the doorbell echo through the empty house. He jumped, and swore loudly as the neat pile he had nestled in his arms lay strewn over the kitchen floor. Looking up in agitation he swept a gloved hand across his brow, the heat from the Aga hitting him full force, as he contemplated what to do. His parents were still away and it was early afternoon, who the bloody hell could it be? With a sigh he hopped over the discarded log pile and made his way through the hall, pulling forcefully at the old front door, as it tended to stick in the cold weather. There with an impish smile on her face, stood Molly Dawes. "Missed me?" She asks cheekily with a slight tilt of her head.

Charles' face split into a wicked grin as he watched her with a slight shake of the head. She wasn't due to arrive for a few more days, the little minx, having agreed to spend New Year's Eve with him in Bath. With a tilt of his head he gestured for her to enter. She ducked under his arm and turned still smiling as he watched her over his shoulder. Molly's gaze swept over him, taking in his checked shirt and garden gloves as he slammed the door shut, blocking out the brisk draft that had snuck into the hall. Charles reached out and took her face between his hands, drinking her in. "Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes," he said softly as he lent his forehead against hers. Molly brought her hands up to encircle his wrists. "You good?" He asked, staring into her eyes.

"Yeah, never better Boss!" She joked softly as they continued to stand in the hall, drinking each other in after three long months apart, neither wanting to be the first to look away. When Molly gave a shiver Charles gave her a soft kiss on the forehead and pulled her towards the warm kitchen. "Tea?" Molly nodded, smiling back gratefully as she followed him down the hall. As Charles busied himself in the kitchen Molly sent a curious look at the trail of logs by the back door. Charles caught her look. "Don't ask," he ordered as he led her into the living room carrying two steaming mugs.

Molly took a seat on the sofa. Charles sat beside her and pulled her legs up onto his lap. "So how was it really?" Molly paused gathering her thoughts. So much had happened, it was hard to know where to begin. "Honestly, I loved it. The Afghan medics were so eager to learn, so determined to do anything and everything they could to help. They're desperate to make a difference too you know. I was brickin it mind. Standing up in front of all those people was well scary. I don't know how Qaseem does it." Molly finished with a smile.

"So, you sorted it out?" Charles asked quietly.

"Yeah, I reckon I did. It was good to get away and gain some perspective. Teaching them medics, I felt like I'd found me purpose again. Helping them reminded me why I wanted to be a medic in the first place. It felt good to be able to help people and save lives. Not take them. I couldn't save Smurf. As hard as it is for me to admit it I know I couldn't help him in the end. I know that now. But those medics, they have a chance now. I helped give them a chance. I just wish I could have given Smurf more of one," Molly confessed quietly. Charles sat there quietly digesting what she had just said. "I'm proud of you Dawes. I don't think you realise how far you've come. How much you've achieved."

"I don't know about that," Molly muttered sheepishly. "After Afghan I felt like I lost myself for a while Boss. I've changed so much I don't recognise meself sometimes."

"Is that a good or bad thing?" Charles asked hesitantly, gently tracing soothing patterns on her knee with his finger.

Molly chuckled, "I dunno. I know for a fact that you wouldn't have looked at the old me twice. I know I'm a better person know. Thanks to the Army and you. I used to feel a bit like a puzzle made up of mis-matching pieces; almost like I didn't belong anywhere. The Army changed all that. It gave my life direction. For the first time I had a chance to actually change my future. Take control. Then I met you. You showed me how to be better. You pushed me to my limits because you knew I could do it. You were there when I needed you after my medal ceremony. You didn't push me to talk about stuff, you gave me the space and time I needed to square it away proper. I wouldn't have had the confidence to have done this last tour if it weren't for your support. I'm the medic I am because of YOU Charles." Molly finished with a soft smile. "Thank you doesn't seem enough. You've done more than you know," She finished giving him a soft kiss. He stroked her cheek gently.

"I knew you'd be brilliant out there. I've told you before that you can be an exceptional medic if you put your mind to it. You have to start trusting yourself and your abilities. It looks like you had no trouble in Afghan. You stayed out of trouble too I hear." He said it with such confidence and conviction that Molly looked up in surprise. She could see his mouth twitch as he fought a smirk. "Boss?" She asked questioningly. "How did ya know I was brilliant? I could have been a shit teacher for all you know."

"Ahhh but I do know Dawesy," He tapped her nose with a finger before reaching up to smooth the frown line that had formed on her brow. "Ok now I ain't got a Scooby what you're on about Charles. What did you do?" Charles laughed.

"You're adorable when you're confused." Molly sent him a glare.

"Boss explain. Now!" without a word Charles reached for the laptop that was sat on the coffee table. He opened up a video and enlarged the screen. Confused, Molly lent forward and stared at the screen. As her brain processed what she was seeing her eyes grew round, as her own voice sounded through the speakers. ""They used to talk about the 'golden hour'... how we as medics had the first hour to treat the patient to intervene to save their lives. Now the talk is of the 'platinum ten minutes.' You are the first people on the ground. Your actions in those first few minutes are what will determine whether you lose a life or save a life. You have a narrow window of opportunity. Disasters happen when we are not 100 % focused. It is important that you stay focused. Stay alert. Stay Alive if we are to minimise the loss of limb or life in Afghanistan." Charles hit the pause button.

Molly caught his gaze. "What?..."

"Let's just say you aren't the only one who has been in contact with Qaseem since we've been back. He videoed me your lectures and has been emailing me to keep me updated. He's proud of you too you know. He sat in the back of most of your lectures at the uni. Said you were so calm, confident. A natural." He looked down at her love and pride clear in his eyes. "Oh by the way it's nice to know you listen to me SOME times Dawes," He joked with a raised eye brow.

Molly smiled softly at him. God she didn't think it was possible to love someone so much. He'd come to mean so much to her. She was glad lady luck was smiling down on her at last. Here's hoping she continues after what she's about to tell him. "Charles. I have a confession," Molly started nervously gazing anxiously at him. "I made Qaseem take me to see Bashira… I know I shouldn't have. He didn't want to. I had to twist his arm. I knew how dangerous Kabul is. But I had to know. I had to see for myself she was safe; that I hadn't broken anything irrevocably. And she is. She's happy and that's all I wanted for her Charles." Molly finished in a rush, worried about what he would say. She knew that during their last tour Charles's had viewed Bashira as a potential weakness to her; that one chink in her armour that threatened to prevent her from becoming the brilliant soldier and medic he knew she would be. She just hoped she hadn't disappointed him. She couldn't bare that.

"Were you both careful?" Charles asked, thinking like a Captain as always. Molly could only nod. Charles took a deep breathe. "Why is it trouble seems to follow your around Molly Dawes. You're going to give me grey hairs," he joked trying to ease the tension. Molly grinned weakly. "You might gunna get some when you hear this next bit." Charles shot Molly a warning look. She grinned back uncertainly. "I gave Qaseem my fourteen grand deployment money. To help give Bashira a life, an education. I took her away from her family. I killed her father. This is my way of helping fix the damage I done Boss," Molly looked at him imploringly, tears sparkling in her eyes, desperate for him to understand. Charles gave a sigh and pulled her towards him. "What am I gunna do with you Molly Dawes? It's your money to do with as you choose. I can't tell you what to do with it. If you think it's the right decision I'll support you." she could only give a weak smile in reply.

"Thank you Boss."

Molly held Charles' hand as they strolled through Victoria Park. Molly smiled at the children chasing each other excitedly, trying in vain to pass the time before the fireworks started. She spotted a young girl waving a glow stick and couldn't help but try and remember a time when she too was that carefree and innocent. She remembers one year when her and Billy Morgan were playing during a display at her school. They were in the middle of an epic battle of good verse evil; who would emerge triumphant in the star wars saga fought bravely with lightsabers made from glow sticks? Turns out she'd never found out. Her dad had been too pissed to stay and they'd all had to leave before they got kicked out. Molly had to sit and watch the display of coloured lights from her window instead.

Molly was drawn from her trip down memory lane by the announcer informing the audience that the firework display was about to begin. Moments later the sky was alive and bursting with colour, illuminating the crowd. She watched amused as Charles' face changed from red to blue to gold and back again. The smile dropped from her face when one firework exploded with a deafening bang, frightening a group of small children between them. The sound caused Molly to jump, her hand automatically reaching for hip as her body fell into a familiar stance. Her breathing escalated and her heart rate picked up as she fought to keep the panic at bay. As she forced her eyes shut she could do nothing to stop the assault of memories that played out on her closed eye lids. The deafening crash of thunder that had her thinking it was the end. BANG. The way the light slowly left Sahals' eyes as he drew his last breathe on earth staring into the face of someone he despised. BANG. The look in Smurf's eyes when he told her it was all her fault. BANG. Rolex boy's dead body, teaming with maggots and dead flies. BANG. The cold, calculating look in Badrai's eyes as he sought revenge. BANG Bossman's chest leaking blood, his anguished cries filling her ears. BANG Smurf's vacant stare as he gazed, unseeing, into the stands of West Ham stadium. BANG

She felt a pair of strong warms wrap themselves around her waist and pull her tightly against a firm warm chest. "Shhhhh. It's ok Molls. Your safe, just breathe." Charles' soothing and reassuring voice penetrated the darkness, anchoring her as she fought to gain control. He reached round to grip her hands tightly in his. "Just focus on my voice Molly. Your home now, everything's ok. Nothing is going to happen to you I promise. Come back to me Molly. I'm right here." Charles continued to whisper calming words into her ear until he felt her tense muscles slowly begin to relax. When Molly wriggled slightly he let go of her wrists as she spun to face him, burying her face in his chest. He reached up and gently placed his hands over her ears and waited as she took several calming breathes, trying to get her trembling under control. She tilted her head up to meet his gaze and Charles' heart nearly broke at how young and vulnerable she looked.

"Do you want to go?" He asked softly. Molly shook her head.

"I have to face this sooner or later. It's only fireworks. They can do this," Molly replied with a hint of steel in her voice. She gave him a reassuring smile and turned to stare at the sky. Charles wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder. "Your one tough cookie you know that Dawes?" she let out a shaky chuckle.

"Only because I have you," she confessed quietly. They stood there staring into each other's eyes, completely oblivious to the noise and crowds around them. The world melted away leaving only them. Charles lent his head against hers as the announcer began the countdown to New Year. 10, 9.8,7,6,5,4,3,2, 1. HAPPY NEW YEAR! The crowds cheered. Charles remained focused on the woman in front of him as he brought her face up to meet his in a searing kiss. They stayed like that for a few minutes before pulling back. "Happy New Year Molly Dawes," Charles said softly, stroking her cheek.

"Happy New Year Charles." Molly grinned and pulled him into a hug. "I love you."

"Ditto Dawes. Bleedin Ditto." Molly laughed.

"Come on, lets get back. It's bloody freezing. Last one back makes the tea!" with that Charles took off, dodging the crowds of tired parents and sleeping children.

"Oi, that's not fair!" Molly sprinted after him, trying to close the gap he had gained due to his unfair advantage. When she finally neared him he was stood by the gate, arms folded and smirking, waiting for her. "Come on Dawes put some bloody effort in!" As he turned Molly took a run and jump, launching herself at his back. He groaned, stumbling at the unexpected weight, but managed to catch her legs easily, wrapping them round his waist. "Home then Dawes?"

"Home Boss. Better crack on it's taters!" Molly laughed as he carried her down the street.

This year was definitely going to be interesting. Molly knew that no matter what happens, as long as she has Charles by her side, she can face whatever life throws at her. She was finally ready to draw a line and look to the future. No looking back. A New Year. A new chapter. A fresh start.


	7. You Gotta go there to Come Back

**A/N: Thanks for the continued support. please R&R**

You Gotta Go there to Come Back

Charles emerged from Upton Park tube station and paused to get his bearings. He looked around him, feeling completely disorientated at the rush of people trying to grab some last minute bargains in the January sales. Shaking his head he thumbed at his phone and tried to work out which direction he needed to head. "I knew I should have caught the train with Molls. That will teach you James." Charles continued to mutter to himself as he started down Green Street, completely oblivious to the odd looks he was receiving from passers-by. He abruptly stopped walking at the sight of the towering football ground on his left. He paused as he reached the wrought iron gates and took a moment to gather himself and pay his respects to his friend, whilst taking in the imposing structure and the surrounding area. He looking up and down the road as if looking for something in particular. He was drawn from his thoughts by the sound of his phone ringing in his pocket. He smiled to himself as he caught sight of the caller ID, eagerly swiping at the screen. "Dawes, you might gunna need to give a man better directions, this place is fucking confusing," He couldn't help but smirk at her response. That was his Dawesy, as sharp and witty as ever. He frowned at her next comment. "What do you mean can I read a map? I'm an ex -Captain of the British Army, of course I can read a bloody map. It's your directions that need work Dawesy."

"My directions were just fine Posh Boy, you just didn't follow them," a voice called good naturedly from behind him. Charles spun on the spot and found Molly leaning against the gate a smirk on her face. "You might gunna need to carry on down The Barking Road then turn left. It's a good job I know how tough it is to find. I has planned on meeting you at the station but as usual you're early. Hi." She grinned up at him. "Hi yourself," he muttered as he reached down to give her a kiss. "You ready for this?"

Molly sent an uneasy glance over her shoulder. "I don't think I'll ever be ready. But I've agreed now. I ain't gunna back out now." Charles, as though sensing her growing discomfort, wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. "That's my girl! It'll be fine you know. All Ben wants you to do is walk around the perimeter to open the game. You don't have to say anything. We'll be there with you every step of the way."

"We?" Molly asked raising a sceptical eyebrow, a slight inkling she knew who he was referring to. One look at his sheepish look told her that her suspicions were correct. Molly groaned. "Really you told them. Why? it's not a big deal!" she huffed annoyed. Charles gripped her shoulders and levelled her with such a stern look she instantly stood to attention. Uh oh Captain "Stern Face" was back.

"Not a big deal? You listen to me Molly Dawes. What you're doing IS a big deal. What you did out in Afghan for Smurf was one of the bravest things I've seen in a long time. You deserved that Military Cross; you risked your life to make sure a fellow soldier got home safe. I know how guilty you feel about what happened the last time you were here but It. Was. Not. Your. Fault." Charles punctuated each word with such determination and conviction Molly couldn't think of anything to say in reply. "There was nothing you could have done. You're a damn fine medic Molly. You have the potential to be an exceptional one if you only start believing in yourself. The only person holding you back right now is you. If I need to stick my regulation combat book six lace holes up your lovely arse in order to make you believe it I will. Repeatedly." Molly couldn't help but giggle at that. "Is that a challenge Boss?" she joked with a smirk.

"No! it's a promise," Charles shot back with a wicked grin of his own. Molly rolled her eyes. "In all seriousness Molls the lads want to be there to support you through something they know is going to be difficult for you. They loved Smurf, but they've come to love and admire you to. They don't blame you for what happened. They're immensely proud of you. Mansfield is proudly telling anyone who will listen that he knows you and that you're 'the nuts' as a medic." Molly shook her head.

"There a right bunch of numpties. But their MY bunch of numpties," she replied smiling fondly.

"Glad you think so Dawesy!" came a voice a few feet away. Molly's mouth dropped as 2 Section stood in formation in front of her in full military uniform. "Lads what….?" Molly trailed off lost for words. Dangles flashed her a cheeky grin and kissed her cheek. "It's like the Bossman said, we're here to support you today. Smurf would want you to enjoy it you know. He'd want you to celebrate your MC not try and forget it didn't happen."

"Yeah Molls, don't think we didn't notice how you've been avoiding us. Why didn't you tell us you've been finding it tough darlin?" Mansfield piped up as he also moved forward to kiss her cheek. "We know what you're going through you silly girl. We want to help you as much as we can. You're one of us. Always." Molly's eyes filled with tears as the rest of the group nodded in agreement. They annoyed the hell out of her most of the time but she knew deep down they were fiercely loyal and would do anything for her, and each other. "You bunch of Cockwombles you'll make me cry!" Molly said shakily leaning on Charles for support as he wrapped an arm around her waist. "Ay ay what's this then Molls?" Nude Nut asked curiously, picking up how comfortable the two were in each other's presence. "It wasn't really Smurf you were interested in was it? that's why you went AWOL at the hospital?" Kinders, ever the perceptive one, asked as he started connecting the dots. Molly sent an uneasy look at Charles. Mansfield caught it. "Something you want to tell us Dawesy? Bossman?" he asked, wriggling his eye brows suggestively.

"Ah I'll bet she's been helping him with his rehab an all," joked Brains, earning a high five from Fingers.

"ehhh pass me the sick bucket!" Mansfield called, which earned him a punch in the arm from Molly.

"Ah Molly and Bossman sitting in a tre G!" 2 Section burst into song as passers-by shot them odd looks at their behaviour. Molly shook her head with a groan. Secretly, she hoping that they never changed. "Will you lot grow the fuck up!" Charles ordered with a hint of exasperation. "Thank God you aren't my problem anymore. Yes Molly and I are together, and no nothing happened whilst we were on tour! We waited out until we were both home," He took a quick look at his watch. "Molls you better head in if you're going to have time to change and meet your Dad. We'll see you after." Molly nodded taking a shaky breath. Charles cupped her face lovingly as he looked into her eyes, watching the waves of panic begin to swirl in their green depths. "Good Luck!" he whispered giving her a kiss. 2 Section echoed his well wishes with Mansfield and Fingers making kissing faces at each other. Molly could only laugh as Charles pulled away and began to walk through the gates towards the ticket office. 2 section falling into line behind him, marched in perfect formation behind their Captain for one last time.

Molly took several deep breaths, in an attempt to gain a modicum of inner calm as she focused on channelling all her fear and anxiety out of her body and into the wet ground beneath her feet. She tried not to stare in awe at the thousands of West Ham United fans crowding the stands of the Boleyn Ground as she shifted anxiously from foot to foot. She tuned out to the announcer as he read her name aloud to the ecstatic crowd, receiving a thunderous applause. She stared up at the sea of faces, wishing in vain she could focus on someone familiar as she felt her panic levels rising. Since her panic attack at New Year Charles had gently, albeit firmly, suggested she should see someone to talk about her PTSD. At first she had shut him down. It wasn't until she woke up from another nightmare whilst at home in Newham that she had reluctantly agreed. The first session was a disaster. Molly had stubbornly refused to say a word for the whole session. During the next one, they had decided to start off small. The doctor had coaxed Molly into talking about her siblings, which in turn, had led to her inadvertently discussing her family and life in Newham. To her horror, Molly had found that once she got talking, just like during the ice breaker when on basic, she couldn't stop the words pouring out. She discussed her complicated relationship with her dad, how she had felt like she was on the road to nowhere before a disastrous night out for her birthday had altered the course of her life completely. She was not longer destined to live in a little Lego house and spend her days picking up toys and watching her dreams be pissed upon after her tosspot boyfriend had had one too many cans of cheap Polish larger.

Together they had worked to identify her potential triggers and develop different strategies to help her gain control. Although she knew she wasn't completely healed, she had definitely made a good start. Molly opened her eyes as she slowly exhaled, sending a quick glance back at the tunnel leading to the dressing rooms. She had found that simple breathing techniques and exercise such as running or yoga had enabled her to find her inner calmness and help her to focus. Looking into the crowd, Molly sought desperately for a glimpse of a familiar face; she was met with a wall of blurry shapes. Knowing they were all here was enough. Charles, 2 Section, Nan, her Mum and Dad. Dave had been so proud and excited when Molly said he could join her as her special guest for a tour of the stadium. He had been as pleased as punch to meet his heroes. After a long internal battle and lengthy conversations with Charles and her therapist Molly knew it was the right thing to do. She couldn't deny him this opportunity when they were both trying so hard to mend fences. Molly couldn't remember him ever being that lost for words as he met each player in turn. Not even when she had joined the Army. Without saying a word Dave had pulled her into a hug and whispered how proud he was of her before going to find his seat as if their brief emotional moment had never happened. Molly couldn't remember the last time they had shared a hug, much less when he had said he was proud of her; if he ever had.

Molly smoothed her uniform, her medals gleaming as they caught the last rays of the weak January sun that filtered through the grey clouds looming overhead. She could smell the wet grass and feel the layers of turf that had been freshly laid down in an attempt to rescue the pitch from the week of unexpected rain. There had been some fears the first match of the New Year would have to be postponed. As Molly focused on putting one foot in front of the other, she couldn't help but think it was fate that she was here today. The last time she had stood on this pitch she had watched her best friend fall, never to get back up. The horrific and traumatic journey that had begun here, all those months before, was finally coming to a close. She had come full circle. She could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. As she walked steadily along the last length of the pitch Molly knew it was finally time to put her demons to rest once and for all. The sun was shining and she was surrounded by her loved ones to help share this heart felt moment. Lady Luck was definitely smiling down on her today; Smurf to she hoped. She made her way to the centre of the pitch where the announcer was stood. She had asked him if he wouldn't mind saying a few words about Smurf, knowing full well she wouldn't be able to.

"On behalf of Private Molly Dawes today's match is dedicated to Private Dylan Smith who served with 2 Section in the Under Five's with the British Army. He will be sadly missed. Rest in Peace" a hush fell over the stadium as Molly stood to attention, taking a moment to remember her friend, as an array of images of Smurf and 2 Section were projected onto the big screens. In the crowd she could faintly make out eight figures stood to attention, backs straight as they too paid their respects to their fallen comrade. Overhead, a thin beam of light broke through the clouds to illuminate the middle of the pitch. Molly couldn't help but smile. Good old Smurf, trying to get the last work as usual. "Rest in peace you sad Welsh Twat!" Molly whispered fondly as she was escorted to the side-lines as the match whistle blew.

Molly sat in the cosy pub drinking in the warm atmosphere. They'd won the match, but barely. She had cheered and screamed along with the crowd when they had scored that miraculous goal two minutes into extra time. She, Charles and her family had retreated to the pub to celebrate after the match, they were waiting on 2 Section who had probably gotten lost. She felt content for the first time in a while. She knew she'd always feel sad about Smurf, would never forget him, but she had finally realised that it was ok to be happy too. "Ay here comes Molly's band of Merry Men," Nan called good naturedly as 2 Section sauntered into the pub, as if they had all the time in the world.

"Oi Molls I reckon Bossman was right about this Lady Luck malarkey. West Ham were damn lucky to get that last goal, I tell you." Mansfield Mike explained as he took a seat next to Nan. "Alright Nan?" he added with a wink. "Ear what time you call this? Thought you lot were meant to be good at directions an that. How did ya get lost? It's only across the bleedin road?" Charles sniggered softly. He stopped abruptly when Nan locked her shrewd gaze on his before looking him up and down. Mansfield took the opportunity to escape to the bar, leaving Charles to deal with Nan alone.

"Ahh so you're the posh boy who's responsible for our Molls' new found confidence are ya?" Nan asked, speaking softly so nobody else could here. Charles grinned softly with a shake of his head as he watched Molly joking with Kinders at the bar. It was good to see her smile. He'd missed it. "Nah, that was all Molly, she's always been an amazing person and a brilliant medic. I just happened to give her the little push she needed when she was too damn afraid to take the jump herself." Nan didn't seem convinced.

"I don't think so. She were so different when she got back the first time. Quite, withdrawn. Not the loud Molly we all knew. Think about our Molls is she's so used to doin things on 'er own. Think's she can take on the world an' her problems and solve them 'erself. But you. You've been good for her. You challenge her, encourage her to want to do more an be better. She needs that. To know she has someone on her side to love her an back her up. She was bangin on about how the Army was there for her, holding her hand, helping her move up. But I reckon it was you all along. You were the only one who saw she was struggling after 'er ceremony. You've done wonders for her confidence mate! Our Molls always was special. I'm glad she finally has you to help her believe it. You look after her sunshine an we'll get along just fine. But if you hurt her, I'll be forced to role you in a carpet and lob you off the M25. Got it?"

Charles grinned, despite knowing she was dead serious. "Yes M'am!" he saluted her mockingly.

Nan smiled and raised her glass at him. "I knew I was gunna like ya Charlie Boy!" Molly, seeing their exchange, raised an eyebrow at Charles in question. He merely shook his head and offered a reassuring smile as he stood and raised his glass. 2 Section, noticing the action, fell silent.

"To Smurf. You'll be missed mate!" Charles declared. The group fell into contemplative silence.

"Cheers ya Welsh Wanker!" Molly called to ease the quiet as the group laughed and cheered, a chorus of "Smurf" echoing around the pub.


	8. Therapy

**A/N: Having read the last chaper back after posting, I noticed a few inconsistences with the time line. I mentioned that Molly had started therapy after the evenst of New Year, not before. I've edited this chapter slightly, taking that into account. Please R&R**

Therapy 

"So how has everything been? It's been a while since we last saw each other, now you're back from leave."

Molly let out a sigh as she shifted on the leather sofa trying to get comfy. It's all well and good these bleedin' movies showing the patients laid out nice an comfy and relaxed as they spilled the beans; what they failed to tell you is how bloody uncomfortable the sofas actually are. Molly looked down at her hands as she brushed a piece of lint from her beret, trying to organise her chaotic thoughts.

"Molly?" Dr Watts prompted, an octave higher than usual, drawing Molly's attention back into the room. There was something ethereal about the doctor sat opposite her, with her tall willowy frame, and soft soothing voice. She looked almost fragile and childlike in her appearance. Her luscious coffee tresses fell effortlessly down her back in soft waves. Her dainty face, bare of makeup, was dominated by bright sparking blue eyes that she hid behind black framed glasses. Looks can be deceiving though, something Molly had learnt the hard way. Although she looked fragile, Dr Watts was a formidable force refusing to back down when things got tough.

"Things 'av bin getting better, since New Year an that." Molly spoke softly.

Dr Watts eyed Molly carefully, "I know we haven't talked much about the events that brought you here. Do you think you're ready now?" Molly gave an embarrassed chuckle as she rubbed her forehead wearily. She didn't know why it was so difficult to talk to a complete stranger about her experiences; as a soldier herself Molly knew, deep down, that Dr Watts had seen and done traumatic things too.

"I had another panic attack. It brought back more memories of Afghan."

"Do you know what triggered this one? Was it like before?" Dr Watts as, jotting down notes on the pad in front of her.

"It was those bleedin' fireworks. I was fine until I heard all the bangin'. I thought I was back there, under fire. I couldn't stop the memories, they came so quick, one after the other. Thank God Charles was there to bring me back. He always seems to know what to say or do to calm me down. He keeps me focused and grounded. Bit like an anchor. Best not tell him that though. His heads big enough as it is" Molly joked with a smile. Dr Watts grinned as she observed Molly's face light up, the anxiety and worry disappearing. It was clear that she had not had the easiest of upbringings. If she had learnt anything about Molly these last few weeks, it was that she was a fighter; she had spent her life building up an impenetrable wall around herself as a way of coping with the shit hand that life had dealt her. It was clear that, whilst the Army had been the making of her, it was the love and support of her former commanding officer that had really helped her to flourish into the confident soldier and person she was now. Charles had managed, with patience and care, to slowly dismantle her wall brick by brick. With his help Molly was beginning to trust in humanity again as she slowly began building a new life for herself.

"Have you had any since? I know the last time you were here we talked about you going to the stadium as a guest of honour at the next game. How did you find it going back after what happened? Dr Watts asked.

Molly shifted uneasily on the couch, her eyes drawn to the patterned carpet under her feet. "It was hard obviously. The minute I set foot on the pitch all I could see an think about was Smurf as he fell down. I remember feeling helpless as the paramedics took him away. It was different in Afghan. I could actually do something to help when they were hurt. It's funny, I've felt like I've had this dark cloud hanging over me since I've been back."

"Do you still feel like that now?"

"When I was walkin' round that pitch, all I wanted was to see a familiar face. I was stood in front of thousands of people and I'd never felt so alone. I could feel the panic rising. An then all of a sudden, the black clouds lifted an a thin beam of light shone down on the pitch where I stood, almost as if Smurf was there watchin me like. I ain't one to believe in people sending signs beyond the grave an that. But it was comforting to think that he might be looking down on us. It felt right somehow. I know he would want me to be happy an I think I've finally come to terms with that and I'm gunna do my best to make him proud."

"Well done. It certainly sounds like you've made great progress in accepting what happened. I'm proud of you." Dr Watts smiled at Molly as she bowed her head in embarrassment, a blush tinging her cheeks.

"I'm glad I did it, it did me good I think. I was brickin' it mind. But those breathing exercises helped. Dad was beside himself at getting to meet his heroes. He even said he was proud of me. He's never said that before. It was nice to hear it." Molly spoke with wonder.

"You talked about wanting to mend fences with your dad. Do you think this will help you both achieve that?" It had taken Molly a while before she opened up about her home life, particularly during the time on basic, when things had been at there worse for the Dawes family. Molly and Dave's feud had reached a new level, almost tearing the family apart.

"I dunno. He seems like he's tryin. He's helpin' mum out more with the kids now she's workin'. He don't go out drinking as much now and the arguments an blazing rows have stopped. He ain't one for tellin you how he feels but he's definitely been nicer since I've been back. He certainly seemed to have charmed everyone from 2 Section when they showed up in support. I'll admit it was lovely to see them all again, even if they did do me nut in. Charles gave me a right bollockin' about not tellin the lads in the first place. I told him I didn't want any fuss."

"I bet he didn't take that very well," Dr Watts replied with a chuckle. Molly snorted and rolled her eyes. "Too right he didn't. He kept saying I should be proud of what I done and that I had the potential to be an exceptional medic if only I stopped holdin' meself back and believed in meself more."

"Well do you? Believe you can be an exceptional medic? I've seen your file and I must admit I'm inclined to agree with Captain James. You've certainly proven you can do it. The Question is where do you want to go from here?

"I dunno. I'm looking into a few options, I'm thinking of doin the NCO route. It's hard to think too far ahead if you know what I mean. It was bad enough thinkin' about my first PT session since Afghan. Not to mention my CO was complainin' I hadn't put me hours in at the firing range." Molly broke off, chewing her lip, something she only did when she was worried or anxious.

Dr Watts eyed Molly for a few seconds. She knew Molly's reluctance to return to the firing range was a direct result of the events that had happened on the bridge. Despite knowing it was the right choice, Molly still felt immensely guilty and uneasy with having taken someone's life. As a medic her priority is to save lives, not take them.

"How did it go?"

Molly raised an eyebrow, "The PT session was fine, I posted me best time during the 5K run. I reckon all that runnin' I've been doin' round Bath to clear me head has finally paid off. Charles will be impressed. He was convinced I was slacking over the Christmas holidays. Cheeky sod!"

Mr Watts sent Molly an arch look, knowing full well she was avoiding the real issue.

"What was it like being back on the firing range?"

"As soon as I felt the weight of the weapon in me hand it brought it all back. I can't stop replayin those five minutes in me head over and over. Every time I focused on the target all I could see was Badrai's face. His cold, piercing eyes when he recognised me. I can't help thinking what would have happened if I hadn't run back. If I'd shot his sooner, would it have made a blind bit of difference? I had this friend who I met during basic training. He were convinced the Army was there to solely break you down so they could rebuilt you back up to how they wanted. So you'd kill and not blink an eye lid. I didn't. Not in the end. I aimed that weapon an' pulled the trigger without a second thought. Everything was chaos. There was no time to think."

"Was it like that at the range?"

"Not really. Yeah you have the CO barkin orders at ya an that, but I had time to think about each move I were makin'. I could focus on me breathin, check me aim to make sure I hit the target. Which I did. Every bloody time. I've never done that before. It weren't like that in Afghan. I think that's what's so hard. It was like I was havin one of those out of body experiences. Like I was watchin' someone else in me place. Time seemed to slow down an all I could do was wait to see it I'd hit the target."

"As a medic you were perfectly within your rights to protect both yourself and your patient. Let me ask you this Molly. Do you regret it? If you had the chance to do it all again, would you do anything differently?" Molly paused, deep in thought.

"Honestly? No, probably not. I remember tellin Chris Ingrams during basic that I'd happily take a bullet for anyone in my section. I know deep down that those bullets were meant for me. It shouldn't have happened to them. I was the one who went an kiboshed Bashira's life and broke up her family. Badrai wanted me dead. If it comes down to it, I'd do it again to protect those boys in my section."

"What happened on that bridge wasn't your fault Molly. It was a combination of factors that you had no control over. You were doing your job, the same as anyone else. The only way you're going to be able to move on is if you let the guilt go. You'll get there it just takes time."

"That's what Charles keeps tellin me."

"Smart man, your Charles. You'd do well to listen to his advice every once in a while." Molly laughed

"I'm workin on it Doc."

"I know. You're nearly there Molly. Now, on a lighter note, what are your plans for the weekend? I'm intrigued to know what lovely anecdotes you'll be subjecting me to during out next session." Molly's mouth twitched as a wicked grin immerged. Dr Watts raised an eyebrow in question. "That look doesn't bode well Molly."

"Me an the Bossman are off to Newham to babysit the little bleeders whilst me parents have a date night. I'm not sure he knows what he's let himself in for, poor bugger." Moly chuckled to herself as she got up, moving slowly towards the door.

"You sound far too gleeful about that prospect Private Dawes."

"Oh I know doc, I know. I'd better go, Bossman is waiting outside. See you next week." Dr Watts shook her head as she watched the young private almost bounce out the door.

"Good luck Captain James, something tells me you might need it."


	9. Stay focused, stay alert, stay alive

Charles drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as he turned onto Barking road. Although they had left Aldershot in good time after Molly's therapy session, he had hit the inevitable rush hour traffic and had got lost, despite having a Sat Nav. Charles found himself, not for the first time, wishing they had caught the train back to London as he felt his blood pressure slowly increasing. Molly, as if sensing his rising agitation, placed her hand on his knee, giving it a quick squeeze.

"You nervous Boss?" Molly asked with a smirk.

Charles caught her look with a glare. "You're smirking. What's so fucking hilarious? By the way I'm not nervous!" Molly laughed as they pulled up alongside a familiar block of flats. "Course you're not Boss!" she grinned as she got out the car and stretched, eying the familiar balcony above her. "The mission is simple Boss. You gotta stay focused. Stay alert. Stay alive."

"Mum? Dad? We're here!" Molly yelled as she entered the house. The sound of pounding feet could be heard from above as Molly's sibling came charging down the stairs making various shooting and helicopter noises as they engaged in a game of war. Charles, who entered behind Molly, had just enough time to dodge the stampede as they rushed through the hall. Molly shook her head "Oi, you lot no guns!" The kids all stopped and finally noticing Molly, crowded around her excitedly, desperate to fill her in on all she had missed since she'd been away. Molly laughed and drew them into a group hug, "Hiya, Alright you lot?" Charles stood off to the side quietly observing, not wishing to intrude on the family reunion.

Belinda, hearing all the commotion, came out of the kitchen. Molly had to do a double take. With her hair styled nicely and her face made up, Belinda was a far cry from the downtrodden, exhausted figure Molly was so used to seeing.

"Thanks for doin' this love." Belinda smiled as she greeted Molly and Charles in turn. Charles, ever the gentleman kissed her cheek in greeting. The children continued to bicker and shout excitedly at one another pushing and shoving in the cramped hallway. "Oi, you lot pack it in would ya." Belinda commanded. The kids rushed past and headed upstairs, pushing and shoving as they went.

"Cor, you look crackin' Mum." Belinda gave an embarrassed laugh and looked down at herself.

"Ya think so?"

"Most definitely Mrs Dawes," Charles cut in, flashing a quick wink.

"Oh stop it! You old charmer you. How many times do I have to tell you to call me Belinda?" Charles laughed as Dave came down the stairs.

"At least once more Mrs Dawes, as always."

"Ear we best be off Belinda if we wanna get a table before the pictures." Dave commented as he nodded at Charles in greeting before heading out to wait on the balcony.

"Right kids be good please, in bed by 9. Ohhh an' Molls your dad gave them cake earlier so they might be a little…" Belinda trailed off, as Molly raised a sceptical eyebrow "Uh so anyway good luck, bye!" Molly and Charles stood listening to the bickering going on above their heads. At the sound of a loud crash Charles looked a Molly in alarm wondering what he'd let himself in for. Molly simply laughed and tugged him into the living room. "Looks like it's our turn to organise the entertainment ay boss?"

Not fifteen minutes later, Molly was sat on the sofa with Martin on her lap laughing at the kids attempt to teach Charles the rules of Just Dance on the Wii. Whilst he had the singing part down, his dancing skills left something to be desired. Who knew Captain James had two left feet and very little rhythm? The kids were trying to teach him the moves to happy by Pharrel Williams. So far he'd managed to get the arm waving and clapping in time but the kids were over taking him in the rankings with ease.

"Come on boss have some human decency and put some bloody effort in!" Molly called over the music.

"You taking the piss Dawes? Right this means war! I'd like to see you do better."

"That a challenge Boss?" Molly grinned as she stood handing Martin over as she took her position in front of the tv. "Watch a master at work Boss." Molly bragged as the opening cords of Call Me Maybe started. Molly and Jessie (Molly's youngest sister) started singing as they danced moving their arms at their sides. Molly placed one foot over the other in a box step with ease, all in perfect time with the music. Charles pretended to pout at how good she was. In the end Jessie pulled him up by his hands and he and the boys reluctantly joined in singing along as they tried to keep up with the girls.

Later, Charles found himself on all fours on the living room floor. He was encircled by a tower made from Lego and Duplo blocks, with Martin sat in the middle, happily bashing two bricks together. Jessie was currently hanging from Charles, her arms wrapped securely round his neck, almost choking him. Molly's younger brothers were clambering around trying to climb onto his back, desperate to take down the evil dragon and rescue the little prince, trapped in the tower. Without warning the boys both rugby tackled Charles, catching him off guard, causing his knees to give out as he crashed to the floor in a shower of brightly coloured bricks.

"Ahh Help!" he groaned out, his voice muffled by the carpeted floor where he lay in a heap unmoving, next to a giggling Jessie. Molly glanced at him in worry, keenly aware that not so long ago he had been shot twice. "You ok Boss?" Charles groaned as he rolled onto his back causing his t-shirt to ride up. "Think I might gunna need a medic."

"Cor look at that scar?" Jessie cried in awe, noticing Charles' movement. The boys all clambered over to see, their eyes widening in wonder.

"WOW! How'd ya get that Captain?" Molly's brother asked. Molly glanced at Charles with a raised eyebrow. He smiled softly and gave a slight nod. Clearing his throat, he replied "well, when I was in Afghan I got shot twice during a mission. Luckily for me, your sister was there and she saved my life. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her." The boys' gaze swung to Molly in amazement. They knew she was in the Army but weren't clear what she did. "Molls what did you do?"

"I'm a medic mate. I give injured soldiers emergency treatment on the ground before they go to hospital." Jessie looked quizzically at Charles' scar. "Did it hurt? Did ya have to be brave? Mum tells me I have to be brave when I fall over." she asked softly. Charles' grinned.

"Nah I wasn't very brave I'm afraid. Yes it hurt an awful lot. But sometimes when something like that happens, it's ok to be afraid when you don't know what's going to happen. Luckily your sister was far braver and treated two of us at the same time. She's excellent at her job you know." He winked in her direction noticing her begin to blush at the compliment.

"Really what did she do? Can you show us Molls?" the rest of her siblings shouted their agreement.

"Please?" Molly chuckled.

"Alright ya monsters. Upstairs in the bathroom cupboard is the red first aid kit, go get it." The kids all cheered in excitement as they rushed to the bathroom.

Molly spent the next hour showing her siblings basic first aid. She showed them how to treat and dress cut fingers, burns and how to correctly apply bandages and slings. She also showed them how to check the ABC's and place someone in the recovery position. The kids had a field day with that one, none of them were able to lie still long enough before someone burst into giggles. Poor Charles ended up being the test dummy of choice and was forced to endure being wrapped, poked and prodded as the kids attempted to pull him into the recovery position numerous times. As time wore on the kids began to argue about whose turn it was as their patience ran out and boredom set in.

"Ok, ok hay you lot, new game. Hide and Seek. You guys go hide an we'll count first. 10, 9….." As the kids rushed through the door Molly slammed it shut behind them cutting off her counting as she collapsed beside Charles on the floor laying her head on his chest.

"You ok Bossman?"

Charles attempted to remove the bandage wrapped around his head as he shifted his position, his back cracked in protest at being on the hard floor too long. "What time is it anyway 9, 10?"

Molly's mouth twitched. "Ha not even close Bossman… 8.30." Charles groaned again.

"I guess I got lucky with Sam. He's quite happy with Dinosaurs, Lego and Rugby." Molly chuckled.

"He sounds great."

"He is, you'll have to meet him sometime, he's dying to meet you." Molly met Charles' gaze for a while without replying.

"I'd like that. Now be a gent and go grab some ice cream from the freezer please."

"You want to feed those little monster ice cream?" Charles asked in horror.

"Nah, it's for me, think I need the energy. Besides I haven't had any in ages, suddenly had a craving for it." Charles looked down at Molly with a raised eye brow in question.

"Not like that you twat." Molly shot back rolling her eyes. Before Charles could reply they were interrupted by the sound of smashing glass. Molly groaned and muttered as she moved to the door. "I'm gunna kill dad. Stupid wanker feedin' kids sugar before bedtime. Who does that?" Louder she shouted "Alright you little bleeders here I come you all better have reallllly good hiding spots."

Belinda laughed at Dave as she unlocked the door. As Dave put his coat over the banister Belinda frowned as she glanced upstairs listening for any sound. "It's so quiet," she whispered. Dave raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah too quiet, makes a change." As he finished his sentence the living room door creaked open and 4 heads popped round the door each wearing identical guilty grins.

Belinda stood with her hands on her hips and asked sternly, "Oi what are you lot still doin up? It's nearly midnight. Where are Charles and Molls?" Molly's eldest brother broke into giggles and jerked his head in the direction of the living room. "Shhhh. We put them down like an hour ago. They haven't stirred since. I think Jessie broke Captain Bossman though."

Both Dave and Belinda looked at each other in alarm as they walked quietly into the room. There entwined on the sofa, sound asleep, lay Molly and Charles with Martin led between them clutching his bear. Dave shook his head with a chuckle as he placed a throw over both of them and picked Martin up, turning to usher the kids out the room. "Right you lot, off to bed now! Quick March!" The kids all trooped to bed excitedly telling Dave of their adventures with the ex- Captain. "Molls saved him Dad. She showed us what she done with bandages. It was sooo cool." Belinda paused in the doorway listening to their praise as she watching her daughter sleep for a moment. Molly looked so peaceful and unguarded in Charles' arms. She knew Molly had been having trouble sleeping since she got back from Afghan but the stubborn mare refused to talk about it. She was glad she had found someone like Charles, even if he was a rugby fan. With a soft smile she closed the door behind her. "Sleep well you two."

**A/N: Thanks for all the continuing support. The songs in this chapter can be found on Just Dance along with some of the dance moves described. Hope you enjoy. Please R&R. **


	10. The Ties that Bind Us

**A/N: all rights belong to Tony Grounds and the BBC. **

The Ties that Bind Us

Molly and Charles strolled along the Southbank, arms wrapped tightly around each other in an attempt to keep out the biting wind as February slowly drew to a close. Despite the wind, the air was cold and crisp, the sky a clear, cloudless azure blue. They had spent the day exploring London, wandering along the Embankment and happily browsing the various stalls and eateries lining the river Themes. Having grown up an only child, Charles was still slightly uncomfortable being around the noise and chaos of the Dawes clan. The easy banter and comradery of Two Section was one thing, but dealing with the constant arguments and bickering of Molly's siblings was an entirely different ball bag. He had been relieved when Molly had suggested they take the day for themselves to look around London and jumped at the chance for some quality time with his favourite medic.

Charles glanced down at Molly as she stared intently across the Themes, her head slightly tilted and brow creased in a frown as she took in the view before her. "Spit it out Dawes, what's on your mind?" Charles couldn't take it anymore. Molly had seemed preoccupied and jittery all morning, having been inundated with text messages but refusing to say who they were from or what was wrong. Molly sighed and continued to stare straight ahead. Charles waited patiently, knowing from experience that she'd talk when she was good and ready.

"I had a phone call from Candy. She's still finding it hard, what with Christmas an New Year an that. Did you know it would have been Smurf and Geraint's birthday this week? I didn't. Some best friend I am forgetting his birthday."

Charles shook his head sadly at this new piece of information. The guilt he felt at not doing a better job of protecting the Smith boys still haunted him. "I didn't remember either Molls." Charles spoke softly. "I hadn't realised you two were still in touch."

"We haven't been. Not really. I tried to stay in touch in the beginning and we've shared a few texts back and forth since I've been back. I did try to get her to come to the game but she said she wasn't ready. She sounded so broken Charles. I think she just wants someone to talk to. She sounded lonely." Molly stared sadly at him and Charles reached up to cup her cold cheek with a gloved hand. "She wants to go to Laugharne. She scattered Smurf there to you know. She asked me if I wouldn't mind going with her."

"Are you going to go?" Molly gave a shrug that turned into a shiver. Charles gently drew her into his embrace and Molly wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. "If I do will you come with me?" Charles raised an eyebrow as Molly looked up at him, her hesitancy clear in her gaze. "Do you think me being there is a good idea? I was supposed to bring her boys home safe and I failed her. I'd doubt she'd want a reminder that the person she trusted with the two most important people in her life let her down." Charles looked out across the water refusing to meet Molly's piercing gaze. She gently nudged his face down to meet hers.

"It's about time you started following your own advice Bossman." At Charles' raised eyebrow she continued, "You keep telling me that what happened weren't my fault, that I couldn't do anything to save him. Well neither could you. What happened with Smurf and Geraint weren't down to you. She doesn't blame you either. For any of it. She asked about you ya know, wanted to know how you were getting on with rehab and what you were doing now. I think she'd like to see you. She knows you did all you could, for both of them. You need to start practicing what ya preach Boss. Or do I need to put MY regulation combat boot six laces up YOUR lovely arse Captain?" Charles chuckled as he hugged Molly to him. "Seems we both might gunna need to lay some demons to rest ay Dawes. Alright if you're sure then I'll go."

"Good, caz I need you one hundred percent by my side Boss." Charles smiled she threw his words back at him, this time in jest.

"Oh ha ha Dawes, very funny. What am I going to do with you?"

"I'm sure you can think of something Bossman," Molly replied flashing him a cheeky wink as she linked her arm through his and turned to walk back towards the tube station.

Molly had the distinct sense of Déjà vu as she sat on the terrace of the Tea rooms overlooking the Taf estuary. She watched a solitary gull swoop and sour as it rides a thermal, before darting downwards at a frightening speed emitting an angry cry that carried on the winds. There was something both beautiful and haunting about this desolate, wild place and Molly felt a tug in her chest as she took in the landscape before her.

She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, savouring the feel of the cold wind as it hit her face. She was glad to be out in the open air. The trip down from London to Newport had been long and gruelling; both she and Charles had tried desperately to hide their nerves, unsure of the reception they would receive at the other end. The added miles as they travelled on to Laugharne to meet Candy had done nothing to ease the tension as they had sat in oppressive silence, neither knowing quite what to say.

Candy sat across from her, her hands twisting a tissue between her hands anxiously, as she too looked out across the bay, silent tears running down her warn face. "My boys used to love this place. They'd spend hours exploring the cliff tops telling stories and playing games about pirates and buried treasure. Smurf was convinced there was treasure hidden under the boat house and that was why it was so well protected." Candy gave a shaky laugh, "They were inseparable growing up, always playing together and looking out for each other. The best of friends. They were my world." Molly smiled sadly as she reached out and took Candy's hand in her own. "I'm so sorry." Candy gave a watery smile and patted Molly's hand. "I knew something bad was going to happen to my Dylan. I told him not to put things off till tomorrow, in case he didn't get the chance. That's why I sent him my ring."

Molly reached into her coat and pulled the ring from around her neck. She held it up to the light watching as the diamond glittered and sparkled as it caught the light. "Candy I…" Molly trailed off, her eyes shifting to the doorway where Charles was inside getting their order. Taking a deep breathe, she struggled to find the right words. "He was my best mate you know. I cared about him as a friend. I'm just sorry I couldn't love him the way he wanted. I never meant to hurt him. I'm sorry I failed him. I'm an epic fail." Molly couldn't stop the tears from falling as she looked at Candy, desperate for her to understand. Candy got up and moved to sit next to Molly pulling her into a hug. "It's ok sweetheart. I'm glad he had the opportunity to feel that sort of love before he died, even if you didn't feel the same way he did. You can't help who you love. Dylan knew that. He was just hurt. He knew you'd be brilliant, whatever you chose to do. He was so excited for Vegas. I haven't seen him that excited about anything since before Geraint. You did that. You brought joy and a smile back to his face. You made my boy happy. I'm glad of that." Molly met her gaze unsure of what to say. She hastily wiped her eyes and held out the ring. "This is yours, you should have it back." Candy shook her head.

"No love, you keep it. Smurf wanted you to have it. It's yours now." Molly gave a weak smile as she put the ring back on the chain.

The two were interrupted as Charles came over carrying a tray with their drinks. He sent Molly a look of concern having noticed her tear stained cheeks. Molly shook her head as she took a sip of her tea. The three sat in silence each lost in their own thoughts and memoires of the one person that bound them all together. Candy was the first to break the silence, her voice quiet as she looked Charles dead in the eye. "I thought I could hate you, you know. It was so easy at first, to blame you for what happened to my boys." Charles sat in complete silence, his eyes locked on hers, never wavering as she continued. "The great Captain James. I trusted you with the two most precious things to me. You were their Captain it was your job to keep them all safe. You were supposed to bring Geraint home safe. Not bring him back home in a box at barely nineteen."

Molly opened her mouth to interrupt but Charles sent her a warning look. She backed down, knowing this conversation was necessary if they were to both begin to heal. "And Smurf. All he wanted was to be like his brother. He looked up to you. Thought you were a hero. He worshipped the ground you walked on. He did everything he could at Catterick to impress you. Instead he got shot on your watch. Twice. You promised me you would take care of him. You said you'd wrap him up in cotton wool. A fine job you did Captain."

"I know." Charles spoke softly, barely above a whisper. "I failed them both. I know that. Smurf was a good soldier. I let him down. I should have done more. On some level I knew he wasn't right, if I'd have spoken up sooner, did my job properly than maybe…." Charles trailed off. Molly watched him anxiously, wanting nothing more than to pull him into a hug. "If anyone's to blame over Smurf's death it's me. I'm the medic. I should have noticed sooner things weren't right. If you want to blame anyone Candy blame me. Not Charles." A loaded silence fell over the table. If Candy noticed Molly's use of Charles' Christian name, she chose to ignore it.

Candy surveyed the two broken souls in front of her. They were far too young to have seen so much pain and suffering. "Now you listen to me. Both of you. I know that neither of you are to blame for what happened out there. Molly, the doctors said that Dylan's haemorrhage could have happened at any time. It was just unfortunate that it happened when it did. At least he was with someone he loved in the end, not alone, thousands of miles away in that god forsaken hellhole. There was nothing you could have done love. He was so proud to have served with both of you. I know things got complicated between you three in the end, but that didn't change the fact he loved you both and wanted you to both be happy. He just needed time to lick his wounds." Molly and Charles looked at each other briefly, before returning their attention to Candy as she continued to talk.

"Captain James. I'm sorry for what I said. I don't blame you. I was angry and spoke in the heat of the moment, you were an easy target to vent my anger. I know you did everything you could for both my boys. My Dylan told me how you risked your own life to make sure Geraint's body wasn't left for a trophy for the Taliban. How can I hate you for that? I'll be forever grateful that you allowed us the opportunity to say a proper goodbye. Dylan always looked up to you after that. He wanted so much to serve with you after the stories Geraint told us. He spoke so highly of you. Even when he got back. he was desperate for you to get better so he could make it right between you. The last thing he wanted was to be a disappointment to you. I'm glad both my boys had someone like you to guide them to be good soliders and people. You taught them more than you will ever know. I'm just sorry that you feel you have to give it all up. My boys wouldn't have wanted that." Candy reached out and gave Charles' hand a gentle squeeze.

"It's alright. I was supposed to be the officer in charge. It all fell to shit on my watch. I can't let that happen again. I wont. This tour has opened my eyes and forced me to re-evaluate quite a bit about who I am and what I believe in. I'm not sure I can go back even if I was able to. Truth is I'm tired. I've spent the last ten years living out of a Burgen. Maybe it's time I tried for a more settled lifestyle." Charles sent a sideways glance at Molly who understood the meaning behind his words.

"If I've learnt anything from all this, it's that life is a precious gift. You two have been given a second chance at life. From what I can see you're both sleepwalking through it. It's time you both woke up and started living again, fight back. Whatever mistakes you have made in the past. It's done. You can't change anything. You only get one chance in life; do you want to waste it on regrets and what ifs? My boys wouldn't want to see you both so sad. They'd want you to be happy. It's time you both let this guilt go. Right here, right now where it stays."

Molly and Charles both paused as they let Candy's words sink in. Molly was the first to speak. "Blimey! I've been seeing a therapist for weeks an you've talked more sense in the last hour than she has in all of me sessions." Molly joked weakly trying to ease the tension. Candy gave a laugh as they stood to leave.

"I think I'm going to head back, leave you two to it." Charles frowned down at her.

"Are you sure you don't want us to follow you back to Newport?"

"No, it's alright Love. I think I'm going to head to Merthyr for a while. I need to get away for a bit," Candy smiled reassuringly as she pulled first Molly, then Charles into a hug. "Goodbye, don't be a stranger you two, keep in touch." Charles nodded as they watched Candy walk into the distance.

Charles tuned back to Molly and led her to a nearby bench where they sat in contented silence as darkness drew in. "You know I used to love watching the stars out in Afghan. They used to remind me that even in the darkness and despair of war, when nothing seems to go right, the sun will always go down and the stars will come out and there will always be a glimmer of light somewhere." Charles smiled softly as he took in her words. "I know what you mean. When life comes rushing at you out of the darkness you have a choice. You either face it alone or choose someone to help guide you to the light and face it with you. During that storm in Afghan, I realised I could face anything as long as you were by my side. I know I can count on you."

"We can count on each other Boss. We're only at the start of our journey. But I reckon if we look out for each other and be there to pick each other up if either of us stumbles and falls we'll be fine. Lets face it Boss, it'll probably be me caz I'm a clumsy mare half the time." Charles laughed as he pulled her to him. "Don't worry Dawes, you can rely on me to catch you when you fall. You need someone to make sure you don't face plant the floor and ruin that pretty face ay Dawes." Molly's mouth dropped in mock outrage as she aimed a punch at his shoulder. "You were right you know. Life has a way of finding you exactly what you need, and who you need, just when you need it most. I'm lucky to have you Bossman." Charles lent down and have her a soft kiss.

"Ditto Dawes. Bleedin' Ditto."

**A/N: So this was the final chapter of Hanging by a Moment. It feels right to leave it here now they have both come full circle. Thanks to everyone who has read and followed this it means a lot. Please R &R**


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